For You and For Those Who Have to Listen to You...
Complaining is a tough subject. We all do it. We all have that urge to “vent” when we are going through hard things. Do you know anyone who constantly complains? If so, how does it make you feel when you’re around that person? It feels heavy and exhausting doesn’t it? I have a few of those people in my life and I’m actually thankful for them because they have shown me how draining it feels like to be on the other side. It makes me want to be a more positive person.
My intent here is to make you more aware of your patterns and tendencies. I grew up in a very negative family. All focus was on magnifying the bad and expecting the worst. Being around that energy all the time made me feel down and defeated in life.
Complaining became ingrained in me. I remember one day in school someone asked me “Why do you complain all the time?”. Ouch! I wasn’t even aware I was doing it! That comment hurt my feelings but it also made me very aware of my actions and I started paying attention to what was coming out of my mouth. I’m very thankful for the tough love!
When we complain we are focused on our problems. The more we focus on our problems the darker life becomes. The more hopeless we feel because all we see is the bad in life. We magnify our problems and make them bigger when we complain. It accomplishes nothing but to make us feel more miserable.
So how do you stop the negative pattern?
Think about what you are thinking about. Are you thinking negative thoughts? Self defeating thoughts? Become in tune with patterns and more self aware. If you’re in a bad mood or feeling cranky it’s because of what you are focusing on. Try to go deeper and ask yourself “Why am I feeling bad? Where is this coming from?”
When you are in a bad mood and you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, redirect your mind. For me I start thinking about quotes or Bible verses that are powerful and help me to shift to a more hopeful attitude. I shift to what could go RIGHT instead of what could go wrong. I look at all the blessings I do have and am thankful things aren’t worse.
Problems are Lessons
All problems that come to us are lessons. If you shift your thinking from “why is this happening to me” to “what is this trying to teach me” your life will take on new meaning. The quicker you learn the lesson, the quicker the problem moves away from you. It’s just how the Universe works. Sometimes you will have no idea what it’s trying to teach you but look back on problems you’ve had in the past and what you learned from them. You can always see the positive after the storm has passed. If you aren’t learning the lessons, the storms will become stronger until you do learn what the Universe is trying to teach you. It’s in your best interest to pay attention.
Laughing is truly the best medicine. Watch a comedy or talk to a funny friend. Laughing always lifts you up. One of my dearest friends is someone that whenever we are together it’s a constant comedy show and we always have some good belly laughs. His friendship got me through some hard times, not because of venting or talking about problems but because our time together was uplifting (and funny).
Start the Day with Intention
Take the time to sit down in the morning and create intention for the day. Pray for strength and trust that it will be given to you no matter what comes your way. Pray for awareness of your actions and reactions. Who do you want to be today? Do you want to be a negative force in the world or a positive force? Will you be a person of strength or will you play the victim? If something hard happens, how will you react? Be prepared.
Flow with Life
Let go of expectations. I realized this was one of my biggest problems. I’m a planner and I guess planning what is going to happen before it happens comes with that! It’s so easy to have expectations for the day or for your relationships but the truth is that we have no control over that and we can’t predict the future. So….let go of expectations and just let life flow. Take things as they come and don’t panic when your boat gets rocked. Stop, breathe, acknowledge and then move forward in a positive direction. Don’t let things upset you.
Unfortunately, most of us who are or were complainers have done it for a lot of years. This is something that you need to focus on daily and you need to do the work. After a week or so you will find that you are catching yourself every time you start to complain. In that moment you have that choice to stop. It will be hard, but the more you do it the more it becomes habit. If you fail, don’t beat yourself up. Just try again the next time. No one is perfect, just don’t give up!
The happier we are inside of us the more good things will flow in our lives. If you expect the worst, life will give you the worst. If you expect blessing, life will give you blessing.